Uncertainty, loss aversion & self-care
Our fear of losing out can feel scarier than our happiness at gaining – even gaining well-being, balance, and peace. Plus a glimpse of the power of an N-committee.
Self-care can be scary.
We don’t acknowledge this enough – probably because the concept of self-care has been swept away in a capitalist current of bath bombs and spa days. How could spa day be scary???
Implementing a self-care practice can require a lot of change. Change is scary. Our lives are often so packed that creating space for self-care inevitably means something else loses out.
Humans are not fans of uncertainty
Not knowing what an experience will be like understandably triggers fear and worry for most humans (in fact, most organisms!). Feeling a lack of control over consequences can amplify this worry.
Here is a typical example from my coaching and speaking work that is especially scary for many people: An act of self-care that requires setting a boundary with someone else, who we expect might be displeased with us. For example, moving a deadline because you are burnt out or ill. A grad student pushing back on an advisor about an unrealistic deadline. Telling a boss you aren’t willing to work weekends.
For a lot of people, the fear of the unknown about what will happen keeps them from setting these boundaries.
Losses are scarier than gains are encouraging
Loss aversion is a cognitive bias first identified by the work of Tversky and Kahneman. We are hardwired to be more concerned about potential losses than we are about potential gains. According to prospect theory, losses can be twice as impactful than the equivalent gain. (!!!)
Translated to self-care: Of course self-care is hard to do when we’re worried about what we might lose, doubly so than what we might gain. Especially in high pressure environments where the expectations for success are so rigid, the culture of overwork is so powerful, and there is such little tolerance for differences in priorities.
Understanding is half the battle
Understanding that:
- fear of uncertainty is real
- lack of self-care is often the “devil we know”
- our brains really, really want us to pay attention to avoiding loss rather than achieving gains
can all help us prioritize our self-care choices. Some helpful strategies for overcoming these tendencies include externalizing these tendencies as our brain trying to protect us (“Thanks brain, I know you’re just trying to keep me safe. I’m going to try this out though”), starting with small (and low risk) actions, and relying on support from others who share your self-care values (like me!)
For more information about loss aversion, The Decision Lab has a nice summary here. I also encourage you to check out this recent article from Nature about overwork culture in academia and its influence on immigrant women.
How does the TMSC community define work?
Two posts ago, I spoke about how the first step to not always being working, according to Marlee Grace, is to define what work is. I asked you to share some of your definitions. Just like values are diverse, so are definitions of work! Your definitions included:
- tasks that you do during weekdays, during certain hours
- hard tasks, tasks you struggle to do, and those that don’t bring pleasure
- the work you get paid to do
- housework and domestic chores
- activities you can put on your CV
What have I been up to?
I’ve reached a career stage where the potential fun opportunities appear to be boundless. Figuring out how to choose among them and balance what I commit to has been a huge priority. I recently spoke to my N-committee (i.e., a group of peers and friends from whom I seek advice on what… but their default response is no!) about how many projects I should be doing at any given time. Setting boundaries is always a work in progress.
I recently decided to apply for a staggering amount of grants (5!), then decided writing them wasn’t worth the balance I would have to sacrifice, and with my N committee’s help decided to apply for just 1.
I’m continuing to do research for my book on self-care in higher education and trying to make more time for it because I love doing it.
My self-care choices lately include listening to music, setting boundaries at work and removing myself from spaces that harm me, prioritizing my sleep, and decluttering my home (a never-ending process, it seems). We also welcomed a second Litter Robot to our home!
In self-care solidarity,
P.S. Are you a grad student who would be interested in an offering of Grad Students Against Burnout? If yes, reach out and let me know.