Letting yourself rest when sick is peak self-care
If you find it hard to rest when you are sick, please consider this your permission slip to do so. Plus, how to pay this expectation forward to others and my lack of self-control with mystery novels.
In the last ten days, a no-fun head cold has made its way through our entire household.
When the grown-ups (besides me) got sick, I encouraged them to get some rest.
When the kiddo got sick, unlimited screen time and popsicles were in order.
When I got sick, I powered through an entire day of meetings and then went to bed at 6 pm. Then I got up the next day and assisted with cleaning the entire house. Even I struggle with resting when I’m sick.
You are more than your productivity.
Why do we feel so compelled to keep going when we are sick? Because the dominant narrative of our workplaces (aka extractive capitalism) is that our productivity measures our worth.
If our inherent value is in what we produce, then…. well, what value do we serve when we take breaks?
Said so bluntly, it’s easy to think that this is a silly expectation. But when we look at the messages we receive more subtly, it’s easier to see why this happens. We hear things like:
“But if you can’t make it, clients miss their appointments.”
“If you cancel class, students won’t learn what they need to.”
“You’re the only one who can do this.”
“We’re going to fall behind if we can’t keep this deadline.”
“You can work at home, though, right?”
And those messages don’t just come from other people; they come from ourselves as well. Many of us have internalized them.
When I think of the list of medical issues I have been expected to work through, either by myself or others, the list is…. well, long: pneumonia, severe tonsillitis, a broken wrist on my dominant hand, norovirus that landed me in the hospital (ugh), depression, covid (twice), and a miscarriage. Not to mention all the colds and cases of flu in between.
Those are just the medical experiences, not any of the life experiences that happen when you’re just minding your business and living life as a human.
If you made your list, what would it look like?
And looking back now, how do you feel about working through them?
Working when you are sick is counterproductive anyway… and sometimes reckless.
Pushing our bodies when they are ill rarely pays off. When we’re sick, it’s harder to focus our attention, concentrate on our work long enough, or do the best work we can do. We’re foggy and fuzzy and not giving our body what it needs to recover.
Often, when I’m feeling well again, I’ll review the work I did when I was sick and think… what the heck is this? My writing makes no sense. My work is crap. I have to spend time redoing it anyway.
With some types of illness, pushing ourselves when our bodies need to rest can also be reckless.
For example, those with chronic illness might resonate when I tell you that if I push myself on days I should have rested, I pay for it later. My body will take me out of commission if I don’t pace myself when I need to, making it impossible for me to work.
There is also a developing body of literature indicating that lack of rest when we have COVID-19 might be a predictor of long-covid. WebMD calls this “radical rest“,” a phrase I love.
Last, if pushing through means bringing our germs to mingle with other people then we are contributing to contagion. Maybe you don’t feel so sick with COVID-19, but that doesn’t mean your high-risk coworkers or your student’s grandmother won’t get severely ill.
How to rest when you are ill.
Even when we know we should rest, it can be hard. Those narratives about productivity and the horrors we might unleash if we slow down are powerful. (Remember last week when we talked about loss aversion?)
Here are some tips for resting when you need it:
- Remember that just because a thought feels true, doesn’t mean that it is. In other words, just because our institutions and people around us tell us we can’t take a break, doesn’t mean that’s necessarily true. Evaluate the accuracy of your assumptions
- Speak to yourself like you would a beloved friend you deeply care about. Would you tell them to work when they were sick? Probably not.
- Ask yourself what is getting in the way of resting and caring for yourself. What would happen if you just took the break you needed? How likely is it to happen?
- Remember the unhelpful times you pushed through in the past. (Remember that norovirus that landed me in the hospital? No idea what work I did. If it were that crucial to my career, I’d probably remember).
- In the wise words of my BFF, “there is humility in saying peace out” and not buying into the culture of constantly going above and beyond.
- If you must, consider this post as your permission slip
Don’t be a jerk to others when they are sick.
Good self-care is more than just looking after ourselves. It involves looking after those around us and the broader, collective community we are part of. That is, thinking beyond our illness and frustration with lost time to how our illness might impact others. This includes not bringing your germs to work and landing that student’s grandmother in the hospital.
It also includes accepting that you don’t always know about other peoples’ health circumstances, nor do you have a right to know about them.
It means encouraging others to look after themselves when they need rest. Which often involves all of the strategies we can use to permit ourselves just to be sick. For example, what is your reaction when a student, coworker, co-author, or employee tells you they are sick? Do you tell them to rest up? Or do you freak out about a deadline you might not make?
Would you rather have sick coworkers or productive, happy coworkers?
Would you rather be remembered as the supportive person or the jerk who piled on when they were sick?
Last, it means advocating for the right to rest for everyone: Paid sick days, flexible deadlines when needed, and accommodating work options that are equitable and not ableist.
In summary, give others the grace you want to receive when you are sick.
Want to hear about a specific topic?
This post was brought to you by a specific request! Is there a topic you want to hear about? A burning self-care question you want answered? A problem you’re trying to solve? Let me know, I’m always looking for ideas.
What self-care have I been up to?
After pushing through a Friday of meetings and cleaning my house, my self-care today will be parking myself in bed and sleeping so my body can fight this cold. Earlier this week, I read a great mystery novel by Louise Penney, staying up very late to do so (this is why I mostly read nonfiction). My kiddo started a new experience and I allowed myself to feel all the parenting feelings about it. I noticed the later sunset has me feeling much more energized than usual. I went to the doctor to get a refill on medication. I didn’t work any evenings!
In self-care solidarity,
