Stop letting people shove toxic positivity in your face. Be negative when you want to be. Pretending to feel positive about something is NOT self-care
Sometimes self-care doesn’t even feel good.
I recently had to do something I really, really didn’t want to do. Something I hated but was not optional for me.
Trying to be supportive, someone said to me, “Maybe it will be fun!”
Reader, it was not fun.
Toxic positivity is the expectation that no matter the situation, we should try to see the “bright side.”
Sometimes toxic positivity is projected onto us by others (like in my example).
Sometimes we do it to ourselves. (“This is not so bad, I should try to be grateful.”)
Either way, toxic positivity completely ignores the reality that sometimes we don’t like things, sometimes things suck, and sometimes life is hard.
Ignoring our negative feelings is not self-care. It’s avoidance.
TL;DR about avoidance: It’s usually not a good thing.
Pain and negative emotions are part of being human.
Toxic positivity comes from discomfort with negative emotions and believing that “positive vibes only” is a helpful perspective.
Self-care is not justpositive vibes only.
Self-care is being honest with ourselves, even if that is negative (“This thing I have to do is something I hate.”)
Self-care is letting ourselves feel negative emotions – and letting others feel them too.
Sometimes, self-care doesn’t even feel good. It’s paying our bills, apologizing to someone when we mess up, doing the thing that matches our values but is hard, setting a boundary someone else will hate, or getting a root canal.
In self-care solidarity,
Finally, make self-care workable.
One day. One overhaul. The VIP Self-Care Intensive is here. Want to learn more? Let’s chat!